I’m not fat, I’m big boned

9 May

Based on a 478-page report by the Institute of Medicine, a high percentage Americans are apparently huge and the problem is only going to get worse. Who knew? I suggest buying shares of motorized scooter manufacturers now, Apple eat your heart out.

Every general news source has an article about the report today, but the narrative is relatively the same throughout. Basically, America’s getting fatter and the communities and schools should do something about it. CBS News has a succinct version.

Here’s the recommendations from the report in the article;

  • School children should get 60 minutes of exercise each day
  • Restaurants should ensure that at least half of kids’ meals comply with federal dietary guidelines, without charging more for the healthier options.
  • Healthier foods should be routinely available everywhere, from shopping malls to sports arenas.
  • More food companies should improve how they market to children.
  • To make physical activity routine, communities should be designed with safe places to walk.
  • Public and private insurers should ensure better access to obesity screening, preventive services and treatments.
  • Employers should expand workplace wellness programs.

This report is a joke. Americans are fat for the same reason the education system is broke, because too few people take any responsibility for own their lives and those of their family. Let’s go down the list one item at a time.

School children should get 60 minutes of exercise each day.
I’m sorry, but why does this even need to be stated? I’m having trouble comprehending the idea that there are kids that aren’t playing each day. As a kid I had an hour of recess everyday, would go to baseball or soccer or whatever other sport 2-3 times per week, and still rode my bike, climbed trees, played street hockey, and more every single day with my friends growing up. Have times changed that much that kids really do just play video games all day? The problem isn’t that kids aren’t playing, it’s that the parents don’t tell them to.

Restaurants should ensure that at least half of kids’ meals comply with federal dietary guidelines, without charging more for the healthier options.
Here’s an idea, you could NOT go out to restaurants. How about you stay home and cook a meal for your family using real food prepared in your kitchen. Sorry Marie Callender. Ensure your kid eats good at home so that when you do go to a restaurant, no more than once a week -(this includes take out too for those of you who need to have it spelled out for you)- you don’t have to worry about what your kid eats and whether they’re going to get diabetes from it.

Healthier foods should be routinely available everywhere, from shopping malls to sports arenas.
Are you could just routinely bring your own food, like apples and bananas and oranges. Why do we need to be constantly stuffing our faces so that there’s food options everywhere. Sure everyone partakes in a snack now and then, I once had an awesome bratwurst in Munich, Germany’s Marienplatz from a cart vendor. It was delicious and at 2 or 3 in the afternoon, not a meal. It was a snack, I did it that day and that was it, but what was once a snack is now a regularly scheduled meal. Instead of 3 meals a day, we now have 4 or 5 for many Americans. Can you really not make it between your fast food lunch at the office to your Van de Kamps frozen fishsticks with mac & cheese for dinner without having a bag of chips and a snickers? If there’s no problem sneaking candy in to the movie theatre, it shouldn’t be a hassle to tote an apple around anywhere else.

More food companies should improve how they market to children.
NO, parents should improve what groceries they buy so their kids aren’t shoveling cheese balls into their mouth like a whale going after some krill. If you’re too stupid or weak-minded to think you HAVE TO buy your kids the entire hostess catalog, your family deserves to be fat.

To make physical activity routine, communities should be designed with safe places to walk.
I’m sorry but is there a reason you can’t just walk around the neighborhood streets you live around? Oh there’s no sidewalk. Well then that means it’s a residential street so traffic is light, now lace up those $80 Nikes you never wear and get hoofing. Not every community has sidewalks, but those that don’t are always suburban-residential subdivisions, not exactly dangerous. Regardless of sidewalk proliferation, every town has parks. The only excuse is laziness.

Public and private insurers should ensure better access to obesity screening, preventive services and treatments.
Health screenings are great, no disease just pops up unannounced, they are exhibit warning signs. But you don’t need a screening to determine if you’re going to get fat. You spend 15 hours a day on your ass, eat fast/junkfood, and can barely tie your own shoes. You’re gonna have health problems. Most health problems can be stopped before they happen, but in America we’d rather wait til it gets here then just take a pill to hide the symptoms and make us think we’re cured. It’s a miracle! Good news, the FDA is now reviewing a drug that can fight obesity. Now you can lose weight and only at the expense of having a heart attack or stroke, rashes, trouble sleeping, mood swings, gas, and cancer. Sounds like a sweet trade. You can keep being a fatass and not feel so guilty because you put all your faith in some pill. Considering how popular pills are as the be all, end all of medicine in America, i’m surprised the business for “fuel savers” in automobiles isn’t more thriving. It’s just a ruse right? No magic additive can improve your cars gas mileage, but a pill can fix anything problem in the human body.

Employers should expand workplace wellness programs.
Why is it the responsibility of the person who signs your checks to make sure you don’t get confused with a sloth? While it may be good for employers in the long run to promote health in their employees, it’s surprisingly not their responsibility. If a woman has the right to choose, why shouldn’t the same logic apply here?

As much as I mock these ideas, the truth is there good ideas and exactly what’s needed. Problem is they won’t change anything. The problem with Americas obesity epidemic isn’t that there is no way to fight against it, it’s that the whole thing is voluntary. People are fat because they aren’t willing to do anything about it, it’s just easier to make excuses about your thyroid while ripping into another bag of gummy bears, than it is to actually make a healthy change in your life.

The information is everywhere, it’s already in the schools and magazines and on Oprah(do people still watch Oprah?). There’s no excuse but laziness, let’s cut the crap and get rid of socialized government medicine. You want someone to take care of you for free, better start taking care of yourself first

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