Happy Mothers Day from TIME magazine

13 May

TIME magazine has exhibited to the world that it still exists with its now infamous breast-feeding, attachment parenting cover.

I wanted to resist this story as I saw as just a faux controversy to stir relevance due to the nature of its risque cover image. The modest half of society feels a sense of embarassment that a poorly-partially displayed boob made its way onto a magazine. The unashamed half replies that it’s just a natural scene and nothing that anyone is unaware of. While everyone else in the world, outside of the Middle-East, probably doesn’t even know what’s going on here. I don’t care if a woman wants to strut her stuff on on in a magazine. No argument for controversy there in my mind.

Also I don’t care if you breastfeed, it’s up to you. Your boobs are there for two reasons and that’s one of them.

Attachment parenting is where I have my problem. Surely if TIME didn’t choose this cover, neither I or 98% of other people would even have noticed the article. But they did choose that cover and i’m going to tell you why attachment parenting is a crock.

Like I said go ahead and breastfeed. For anyone who says stop after so many months or by this age, screw off. There is no magic cutoff date, like many things breastfeeding is more like an art, not a science, and therefore it’s all based on perception. But the important point is that you realize you do need a cutoff date, that you can’t just keep going blindly with your tit in your kids mouth til he starts shaving. The longer you wait the harder it gets to quit. No nearly 4-year old kid like the one on TIME’s cover should be suckling on momma like that. It’s time for little Timmy to grow up.

You’re child doesn’t need constant attachment to feel loved, appreciated, or special. You want to form a bond with your child? Great, I don’t suppose you could do that with the remaining 14 years he is legally yours, not to mention that he’s probably gonna be around longer than that anyway.

While it’s easy to point at breastfeeding as the easy target, given its visual nature in this case, letting your child sleep in your bed is the same thing, as is any enabled activity your kid does because “it’s just easier”. All it is, is a lack of fortitude. I don’t want to listen to my kid whine so I let him sleep in my bed, have the snacks he wants, get the toys he wants, and on and on.

This is why I have a 4-year old nephew who won’t sleep unless mom is in his bed. Cause she’s lacks the spine to put him in his bed and make him stay there the whole night. It’s also why he doesn’t nap, no he “rests” while watching a movie. My nephew’s seen so many movies he’s going to put Roger Ebert out of job someday.

Kids are surprisingly easy to handle and here’s the best part, they can do all the work themselves, so the idea that they’re a burden is a joke.

Here’s my amazingly simple child raising rules. (And yes they work).

  • Don’t be a prick. Your kid is not a burden, it’s a kid. Either get on the train or be dragged under the axle. If all you can do is yell and be condescending to your kid, you’ve lost their respect. Would you listen to your boss if they treated you that way? At that point the kid knows he/she’s getting yelled at anyway, might as well do what I want and put a fight to match.
  • A kid’s a kid. All they want to do is play, but they also want to grow up. The coolest thing in the world to a kid is an adult, when a kid spills the orange juice, it’s not cause they’re mischievous, it’s cause they want to do everything adults do and that includes little things like pouring their own juice. But being kids they’re not only still learning how to do things, but they’re generally clumsy as well.
  • Don’t micro-manage. Combine the previous two rules and what do you have? Let your kids do things by themselves. Don’t be surprised when you’re little kid won’t look for his/her shoes when you insist on doing 3/4 of everything the kid needs done. If you’re doing the ass-wiping, pouring ketchup, food cutting, dressing, and juice pouring. Why should your kid pick up the crayons, get a tissue for their snot, take a nap or find their shoes? You don’t have to make your kid do everything for themselves, but give them the chance to try. If we never did anything we weren’t already capable of, I wouldn’t be writing this and you wouldn’t be reading it because we’d both be illiterate.
  • Love your kid. This might seem fairly obvious, but I mean actually love your kid, don’t own them. Your little Jack or Jill is not an accessory. You may be legally responsible for your kid, but that doesn’t mean you love them. Giving your kid a mohawk and a hip name like  Maddox or Niveah so you can be besties isn’t the same as teaching your kid how to turn a wrench or swing a hammer. Instead of turning your kid into a walking marketing ensemble, why not provide them with direction to become a fully-capable genuine human being.

Go ahead and “attach” with your kid. Just don’t be surprised that treating them like babies, makes them act like babies.



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